I'll be writing his 9 month letter next week when he is actually 9 months, but for now, I need to get this out.
As far as milestones, etc. he is doing amazingly. He is doing everything he is supposed to be doing and more. (I'll touch on those in the letter).
My big concern is still sleep. We went into the appointment hoping for advice, guidance, perhaps even a little sympathy. We got more or less judging and lecture.
Nolan sleeps with us. He still eats in the middle of the night at least once.
Whoopdifreakingdo.
Those two things do not bother me (or him) in the least. In fact, I LIKE him sleeping with me. I LIKE that he eats overnight because it helps keep my supply up.
What I struggle with is that I've held him for every.single.nap of his life. Okay, not every single. But most of them. I want to be able to put him down in his crib for a nap. I want him to nap well, as opposed to the dog or the phone or the doorbell waking him up. I don't want to have to rely on Dan to do the dishes or make dinner because I'm holding Nolan during a nap.
Lately he has also been fighting me to go to sleep. I KNOW when he is tired. (Um, hello, I've been rocking/nursing him to sleep for 9 months). I used to be able to nurse him or give him his paci and rock him and off to sleep he'd go. Now, he purses his lips, shakes his head, and freaks out when I try to get him to sleep. This goes for the evening too. I just spent 1.5 hours trying to get him to sleep. That included what I just mentioned, followed by laying in bed with him (when he tries to crawl around, stand up, giggle, etc.), walking, rocking, singing, and even a little bit of pleading. It almost always ends with me practically in tears out of frustration. I basically have to swaddle him with my arms to get him to calm down enough, then shush in his ear for 10 minutes. By that time, I'm just drained.
We use a fan for white noise. We have a "sort of" routine, but that could be improved for sure. He (usually) gets enough naps so it's not an overtired issue. We've tried putting him in his crib and letting him cry for a few minutes... this ends with him making himself so upset he can't catch his breath and then ends up puking. And that's after literally 2-4 minutes.
I am at my absolute wits end.
The doctor said to just put him in his crib drowsy and leave. Well, no. I tried, it failed. She said she let her daughter cry for 3 hours once. OMG. I cannot do that! I will NOT do that. She said "it's not abandoning him, you can check on him and calm him down, just don't feed him or take him in your room or pick him up." Well, that's what he wants. That's how he's gone to sleep for 9 months! She also said to "just stop feeding him" overnight. Um yeah, that'll go over well.
:(
I am just so upset.
In my heart, I know we are not ruining him but that's how she made me feel.
I don't want this to be so hard! On him, or on me.
Anyone? Can you commiserate? Help? Please? :(
(Sorry for all of the rambling.)
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The routine thing could definitely help. We started one with Molly at 2 weeks and she's pretty much a slave to her bedtime routine now. If something messes it up we have a rough night, so I know at least for her a routine helps.
ReplyDeleteWill he let you transition him to his crib after he falls asleep in your arms? Have you tried other places to sleep besides his crib? Like a pack n play or bouncy chair? Maybe he's too big for those now? Something with vibration? I've heard good things about the sleep sheep and I know Molly loves her seahorse. When she fights her naps she likes to cover her face up with a aden & anias blanket. It's breathable and she sleeps so I let it go.
I don't know, just trying to throw out ideas. I hope it gets better for you soon hun. Molly sings herself to sleep a lot, want me to have her call and sing to Nolan? ;)
Hi there! I've been a reader for a little over a year and my son was born Sept 13, so they are right around the same age. My son also still sleeps with us and eats once or twice over night. (Last week when he was teething it was four times. ::sigh:: )
ReplyDeleteWhen I went back to work at 5 months pp, my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law (our childcare program) had to figure out how to give him a bottle (an entirely different challenge) and how to get him to sleep. The method they've settled on is tossing him in his stroller and rolling him around the house or plopping him in a swing. If my husband's home with him, he has a trick of putting him in a bouncy chair and literally bouncing him to sleep.
On the weekends though, I've realized he doesn't really seem to need many naps - he's a cat napper. After a quick 20 minute nap, he's refreshed and ready to go! He sleeps about 10 hours a night, which I know is not enough. But with a series of naps during the day, he seems to be fine.
In the evenings though, he refuses to go to be until we do at about 10:30pm (and he won't sleep unless nursed to sleep). I think it's because he doesn't want to miss anything. And we really don't have any nighttime routine. Since evenings are my only time with him, I let him do it and just make sure he sleeps in mornings after I sneak out of bed.
My sister has seriously urged the cry-it-out method but I really cannot do it. We're really not meant to leave our child screaming!
So the point of this long-winded comment is (1) we're in the same boat, so it must be ok and (2) maybe try buying some kind of device (if you don't already have one) that will allow you to "rock" him - that he can stay asleep in (stroller, swing, chair). Hope this helps. Good luck!
When he naps on you, is it at a consistent-ish time everyday? A nap routine of sorts might help - at least working towards something consistent (which took us forever, but I do think it helped).
ReplyDeleteWhat about something in the middle? Neither holding him or leaving him. What about cuddles, kisses, into the crib and then rub/pat/shush. You're there, he knows you're there, your're touching him - - you're just not picking him up.
We did this (albeit for a bit, then we left her for a set amount of time, came back and rub/pat/shush - but no picking up, left again) but I imagine you can do it until he's asleep just to get him used to napping in the crib and then maybe move to a next step (if you need it).
GL Tiff, I can't say I relate, but I can say that I imagine how hard it must be and that frustration is the worst. Here's hoping more sleep is coming your way!
@Tiffany- he's too big for all of those things, sadly. He never even liked them as an infant! The thing is, he lets me move him from my arms to our bed... but it's an "easy" transition, because it's not putting him "down" into anything if that makes sense. The crib, p&p, etc. always wakes him up and then he will.not.sleep. because I'm not just rolling him off of me. This is all fine and dandy when I'm at home because we've moved our mattress to the ground for the time being so he can't crawl off/fall. But when we're out (or helping my mom babysit), I can't put him on other people's beds. We did start a routine tonight... it's 8:20 and he's asleep. Let's see how long it lasts! (crossing everything possible!)
ReplyDelete@Jen- Hello!! I'm SO glad to hear another mama with a child like mine! I know it's not uncommon but sometimes people make you feel like you are the only person in the whole world who goes through it, ya know? My little one naps for other people when I'm not there... maybe it's just me. haha. If we can figure out something that works for us, I'll be sure to let you know. I think we're just going to take it a step at a time... first step: routine.
@Megan- He is pretty consistent with the times, yeah. Like I said in the previous comments, we started a routine tonight so hopefully I can carry that over to naps. My big problem is that I'm still babysitting with my mom during the days so we're at her house sometimes and here sometimes during naps so it's hard to be consistent. I'm definitely going to have to try something if it continues to be as bad as it was the last week or so!